Explanations of major changes
by sarabrass
Summary: Sara has big news, but are they ready to admit that they did not know anything
1. Chapter 1

What can I say? How can I explain this? Will they understand? Explode? Question?

I start slowly. I am leaving the lab. Effective immediately. Why? Here goes nothing.

"What do you mean you're leaving? Why? What happened?" Sigh! Catherine and all her questions. There is no easy way to answer. Not in her books anyway. Whatever I say she will make into a saga about her. How SHE never saw it coming. How I didn't confide in HER. How I betrayed OUR friendship (we're friends?). Take a deep breath Sara, calm now, start!

"I know this seems out of the blue but it's not. Lots of things have been happening that you may not be aware of. This is not a knee jerk reaction. This has been coming for a while"

"Knee jerk? Reaction? It has to be! Why are we only finding out now? You could have told me?

See, its out. ME. No care about the others that I have kept this from as well. ME. Get a life Catherine. Oh I am sorry, I forgot – you are the only one that's allowed one. Not that you have handled that one in any great way. Lyndsey is a nightmare to put it mildly. You need to start listening to her. And looking! Where on earth did she get that make-up she's wearing from? She looks like a hooker, and not a high-class one either.

Another deep breath! "Do you want the full story or just the here and now?"

"I think we are entitled to the full story, don't you?" He speaks. Maybe this will let me off the hook. Maybe not! Griss looks at me with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. He knows what I have to say. Or at least thinks he does. After all, he has known so much about my life over the last ten years it seemed weird not including him in the monumental changes that have happened recently. Poor thing, Catherine is going to kill him once he lets it slip and she realises that he didn't tell HER earlier.

I glance over to the boys. How I love them. They are sitting there like brothers listening to how their baby sister lost her cherry. Nick looks as though he could kill someone, Warrick is in full agreement. Greg, ahh poor Greg, he just looks confused.

"You can't leave, I need you" he pipes up.

"Greg, I am not leaving Vegas, just work. You will still see me around and you can call."

"Not the same" he huffs. But it's not about him either. How can they not get this? Here I am making a decision about me and mine, and all they can think about is themselves and how they have to deal with everything on their own. I haven't even told them WHY I am leaving yet.

I swallow. Deep breaths are no longer working for me. I watch everyone for a moment before beginning again. Cath is throwing daggers my way, Nick looks genuinely hurt, Warrick confused, Griss bemused. I can't look at Greg. I want to burst out laughing.

I blame the hormones and start. "I'm pregnant!" OOOOOKAY. Not even Griss was expecting that and from the looks I am getting I need to explain further but can't. I am laughing way too much for that. Their faces are beyond pictures. I am envisioning a huge canvas in oils, everyone with the same look on their face. SHOCK! Maybe I shouldn't have started this. Maybe I should have waited for backup!!


	2. Chapter 2

I should have known that I would have to deal with this myself. But then they are my team!

Count to ten and proceed I tell myself. One, Two... Never mind.

"I.I.I.I." Just spit it out Catherine, yes, we know all about "I".

"I can't believe it. You can't be. It can't be true!" she spurts out. No of course not. We've gone through this before. Only you can have a life. Yada yada yada.

"Who's the father"

Now we're getting somewhere.

"I mean. Umm. You do know who the father is don't you?" Nick. He still looks as though he could kill so I answer as softly as I can. I mean, usually I would kill someone that even dared to question my sanity.

"Yes. The father of my baby is my husband."

New looks. This is going way too fast for them. Maybe I should call a time-out and come back tomorrow. This is not going to be pretty. And there was me thinking that they would be happy for me!

"Where's Jim? We need Jim!" Warrick mumbles. Everyone nods in agreement. Except Griss of course. He is near to wetting himself. He definitely is over the shock of the baby and has sat back to enjoy watching the rest of the team squirm. I have to admit, if I were in his shoes I would do the same. Afterall...

_Flashback_

_Where is he? He should have been back hours ago. All I get from his cell is a dumb sounding cow telling me he is unobtainable, well guess what, I figured that much out myself._

_What was that? Oh god! Please tell me it's not true. Let me see..._

_Yep. Cop car pulled up. Jim throwing up over the roses. Griss laughing at him and trying to pay what he thinks is the taxi driver. Poor kid. He looks eighteen and fresh out of training and he has to deal with these two. Guess I should help!_

"_You upstairs! You study! And if you don't know where tough!"_

"_Thanks" I tell the kid. "Officer ??"_

"_Errm. Trentham Maam." Do I look like a Maam yet? "Errm, sorry, but, errm, are they always like this in Las Vagas?"_

"_Thankfully no. Goodnight." I move indoors before more questions start. On second thoughts maybe that would be more pleasant than what I just walked in on._

"_Why do you get the bedroom?"_

"_It's my house!"_

"_But I want the bedroom"_

"_It's my house"_

_That's not fair._

_They sound like five year olds. How can I have loved one of them for so long? How can I be sharing my life with the other? I can't take it anylonger._

"_Both of you shush. Jim go to bed I'll deal with you in a minute, (did I see a leer on his face then?) Griss, Study or floor it's up to you!"_

"_Who died and made you mother?" RIGHT! Even Griss knows he has stepped WAY over the line and begins to move towards the room he's been allocated. "Still don't see why I can't have the bedroom" he mumbles as he is going._

"_CAUSE ME AND SARA ARE GOING TO BE HAVING SEX THAT'S WHY" Jim shouts at him. That's what he thinks!_

_End flashback_

Next morning you could feel the tension. And I do mean All the tension!

I shoot him a dirty look and he shrugs and gets out his phone. Hopefully to text Jim – it might just save his life.


	3. Chapter 3

It would be funny if it wasn't about me. I can see the cogs quite literally grinding in their brains. Literally. I start betting with myself. Who will speak first? All my money is on Catherine. She can't help herself. Factoids won't be enough. She will want to know everything. And I do mean everything.

Nick is squirming. I do feel sorry for him. Besides Griss he is my best friend and we have seen each other through a lot. He can't grasp this at all. He still looks hurt. Even more so if it's possible. I love him. I truly do. I wish nothing but good for him. Maybe this is the push that he needs. I have always seen him on his own ranch back in Texas, a Mary something or other at his side, more kids than you can count running around the place. He deserves this and more the things he has gone through. I have never met a man so willing to be someone's everything. A part of me wishes he was my type.

Warrick is torn I can tell. He doesn't know what to think. He is hurt that I haven't mentioned any of this before but there are more emotions than that in his eyes and they are not about me. Why isn't he as happy as I am? Why isn't his wife pregnant? How did it all go wrong? I can't blame him for thinking these thoughts; after all I knew this would be the case. He needs to get out of that relationship and find a new one. He needs someone that doesn't see the horrors we do. Someone pure, innocent. It may seem corny, but he needs a kindergarten teacher, someone to which the scariest thing she has seen that day is little Davy What's-his-name and his never ending boogers!

Greg is thinking. My protégé. One day he will be a better CSI than any of them. Even Grissom. Though maybe not me! I can see he's formulating ideas. Working out who we are talking about. Trying to remember details that will lead him to the obvious answer. He'll get there.

That's enough. Can't go on. Catherine is opening her mouth. Wait for it. Here it comes. She closes again. Strange. I look closer. She is really perplexed. I don't know what exactly she can't get her head around but clearly she cannot work anything out. Oh no. This could be bad. I've seen her mad before when she can't get her head round something and I do not want to do that right now.

Griss. Please Griss save me. I look at him and he understands. He will start the questioning. Hopefully slowly so everyone can keep up. There is a god.

"Why don't we start with an easy question? One that everyone here really wants to know more importantly than everything else. Are you happy?"

Thank you. I knew you could do it. I can see everyone relax.

"Yes. I am happier than I have ever been. With every fibre of my being, my mind and my soul. He is everything to me and I am everything to him, I don't think it would be possible to be happier."

"But you are still leaving us!" Greg states, "How can he love you if he is forcing you to move away from us? We are your family, not him. He can't do this to you if he loves you. It will destroy you!"

Sigh. Thought he was working it all out. Obviously wrong. How can I reply?

"Greg. He didn't make this decision I did. But he is standing by me. If it makes you feel any better he thinks it's the wrong decision too. He thinks that within a few months I'll be going stir crazy and begging to come back to work!"

"Then why leave..." He's whining now, and annoying me. Please don't lose your temper. Please someone else say something.

"Greg please, we all feel the same, but let her speak. Is this decision because of the baby or the whole enchilada?"

"It's the baby Griss. I can't possibly be a good mum and a good CSI at the same time. No offense Catherine, but I can't have my child wondering if I will come home after shift or not. One parent in this profession is enough."

Okay I have really done it now. Everyone is staring at Grissom. Poor man.


	4. Chapter 4

"Look guys. Calm down. And no, Grissom is not the father. I don't even want to tell you how disappointed in you I am at this moment. No, let me speak Catherine. Here you all are supposedly the best CSIs in the country, not to mention my friends, and not only do you not realise that I actually have a life out of the lab, but you think that life is with Griss! Don't you think we argue enough at work? I would hate to think how many times I would have killed him by now because of the simplest of things if we lived together as well. No. You should be ashamed of yourself and your so-called skills."

"So. Calling us thick is fine but you still have to tell us the truth! What happened to the single, single-minded Sara who lived at the lab twenty-four-seven, listened to her police scanner as a hobby, flirted with me in SUCH a big way and was not pregnant with some stranger's brat?"

"Before I smack you so hard that you will forget your name Greg remember one little thing. I NEVER flirted with you. Well, not seriously anyway. Now. Nick, hit him for me will ya, I can't reach! Greg my child is not and never will be a brat. It isn't in its nature cause both of its parents adore him or her already. As for stranger, we've been through this already. I know who the father is. Not only that but I am married to him, so not a stranger."

I am beginning to really feel tired now. Greg could be impossible at times and I feel like just up and going. Maybe I could just lay down a bet. The first, not including Griss, to guess the name of the father would have one of the babies named after them. That was one secret that I will not tell today. Jim doesn't even know yet and if truth be told I am apprehensive in telling him. Sure, he was psyched to become a dad again, but triplets? I can see it now, sometime in the future, my own Nick, Greg and Rick fighting over who gets to kiss five-year-old Daisy in the cloakroom at school. I shudder to think. Please let them all be girls! Much better, three little Catherine's. Stop! This is going to send me to the loony bin. Three puppies would be far easier. That's it. Who's crazy now??

Warrick turns round and I see him contemplating everything. Again. I watch as he looks into the eyes of every male around the table. I sigh as he realises that this would be a stupid conversation to be having if the father was here. So then his brain goes beyond the table. I watch the light bulb go off behind his eyes.

"Jim!"

"Did someone call?" Finally, talk about knight is shining armour. Must have rusted by now! But he redeems himself by sitting beside me and giving my hand a squeeze. If only he had kept his mouth closed!

"What did I miss?"


	5. Chapter 5

"What did I miss?"

Yep. Definitely dead!

They all tumbled statements on top of each other.

"Do you know who it is?"" Who's the father?"" Thought you would look out for her!" "Why didn't you tell me?"

Oooh, That Catherine! Have I said that she bugs me already?

Jim get's filled in with what has happened already and just smirks. It's only a fleeting one though as the poker face goes back on and he listens intently to those who are speaking.

Slowly he puts his hand up and waits till everyone is silent.

"I think it's brilliant! And if you cannot feel the same way then you are not friends!" he states and all of a sudden I am in love with him all over again. The way he said it, so strong, so true, so magnanimously. Maybe that will silence them for a while. Hope so. Either that or I am going to become very hormonal and start throwing things! Hang on a moment... He missed a part of the sentence... you are not HER friends!!!! Let's hope no-one noticed. Unless he wanted them to.

See I am hormonal. I can't work out what should be the simplest of things. Is he defending me? Is he admitting to an us? Is he defending us?

Now I'm getting annoyed. That is the last thing he should be doing! We do not need defending! There is nothing wrong with an us! How dare he think that we have to justify our happiness! We are entitled to happiness. More than most seeing what we do everyday! I stare at him and he turns his head to meet the stare.

"What? Would you rather me say something else, something that's not true? This is your gig remember. You said you wanted to handle them. I quote. They are my team. I will explain. You don't have to worry about it. I will deal with them. End quote! Have you changed your mind?"

I hate him!! He can see how I feel right now and he's teasing. How could he! I would kill him right now if it wasn't so public. I could swear hormonal self-defence!

Just as I am about to snarl back at him, he grabs me and pulls me into his lap. Busted. I can't help it but I curl into his neck and sob my apologies. He understands. No-one ever thought they would see this. A weak Sara Sidle. Not supposed to exist. But I have changed. More than anyone but this wonderful man knows. He has given me a life and a future that I never dared myself to dream.

Everyone knows about my childhood. Or lack thereof. I stopped dreaming of Prince Charming and a perfect life before I was left nursery. I had already seen what husbands did to wives, what fathers did to children. I didn't want any part of it. Then I met Griss. He started to break the barriers down. He taught me that not all men were like my father. Then he brought me to Vegas and introduced me to one Jim Brass. No-one could have prepared me for him! I felt secure in his presence, safe in his gaze. I swear, if you could see a connection being made, the electricity would have put the bright lights of Vegas to shame!

At first we were both shy of it, trying to ignore the responses that were becoming harder to ignore, being so familiar with each other and yet pretending that it did not matter. Then Brenda came along. Other incidents happened too, but that was the catalyst. Neither of us wanted to let her go. There were differing reasons for the appeal but the end product was the same. In some bar off strip, where neither of us should have been, we promised that no other child of this sordid town would know what that girl had if we could help it.

We started a charity. The police, CSI department, fire department, in fact most agencies have all donated to it at one time or another without knowing who founded it. We have an excellent team of lawyers, accountants and god knows who ensuring that. Of course we were not "together" at that point. In fact we seemed to be trying our damndest to ensure that it never progressed to that level. But who were we kidding?

So, here we are. Years later, sitting in a diner, me in his lap sobbing because of hormones that are three fold, explaining what has been happening under their noses as if they aren't supposed to be the best in the country and already have worked this out! The way things go in this world huh?

I hear Jim taking a deep breath as he starts the story. Everyone around the table listens intently and asks questions as he is going on. Even Griss who thought he knew the story. I laugh as I realise that all he knew was squat really. At the end of the story everyone was quiet and I dared to look out from my hiding place. They were all staring but the malice had gone. Regret and embarrassment showed instead.

Then, as I moved back into my own seat, something changed. Everyone was smiling, if not laughing.

"You are right. You deserve our blessings and all the happiness that you can grab. I am sure that I speak for all wishing you the best for the future. But! Do not think that you can get away with not having a wedding party! You are going to have the biggest baby shower known in this town and soon!"

Maybe I was wrong about Catherine, as I watch the boys nodding their heads in agreement. Or maybe I should watch out tomorrow!


End file.
